urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami Pete Pete 2001-06-25T14:16:54Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:18083 2001-06-25T14:16:54Z 2001-06-25T14:16:54Z I have started a new journal.<br /><br />I did this cos i suck, and i'm not replying to anyones comments, or their journals. You may be asking yourself how getting a new journal will help, and i'll be fucked if i know... but if yuo want to stay in contact, please add my new journal to your friends, and delete this one.<br /><br />thankyuo my children.<br /><br />my new username is: <b>shove_it</b><br /><br />journal is here: <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/shove_it">http://www.livejournal.com/users/shove_it</a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:17866 2001-06-20T17:23:58Z 2001-06-20T17:23:58Z I'm sick, of always hearing all the sad songs on the radio. All day, it is there to remind an over sensitive guy that he's lost and alone. I hate, our favorite restaurant, our favorite movie, our favorite show. We would, stay up all through the night, we would laugh and get high, never answer the phone.<br /><br />I can't forgive, can't forget, can't give in - what went wrong? cos you said this was right. You fucked up my life.<br /><br />I'm sick of always hearing sappy love songs, on the radio. This place, it's fucking cursed and its plague, and I can never escape, when my heart it explodes.<br /><br />I'm kicking, out fiercely, of the world around me. What went wrong? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:17629 2001-06-19T19:31:37Z 2001-06-19T19:31:37Z Its been a while since I have updated my journal. Even though I haven't written anything, I have still been reading everyones journals all the time. I just got in a constant mood of not wanting to say anything.<br /><br />Well, today is my birthday. The 19th of June. I am 19 today. I went out last night and got drunk with some friends, then crashed out at Gregs house over night. Now I am very tired. Really. My eyes hurt.<br /><br />I can safely say that this birthday has been a bit of a let down. I know that the only reason I am saying this is because I am a very selfish person, but I cant change the way I am. I got next to nothing for my birthday. I even got some black jeans (like I asked for, but the ones I got are too small). I think it is impossible to buy clothes that fit me in this country. That was really disappointing, cos I tore my blue jeans today, so now I am down to one pair of trousers. Which I will have to live in from now on. a pair of green trousers which are made of a funny cloth stuff which definitely is not denim. I didn't even get a birthday cake!!! <br /><br />I cant really understand why this was such a bad day, I just feel really down. I hope things will get better in the near future. I have a feeling they will. I have absolutely no money after I splashed out on a car last week. It will take me 2 or 3 months to pay that off, then I have to pay to get it road legal. So I'm not going to be able to afford any jeans in the near future.<br /><br />God I hate it when I just winge and whine - but it makes me feel a little better, just putting it into words.<br /><br />It was also And's birthday today - I hope she had a really nice day :o) I have been looking for weeks to find something special to buy Andi, and our birthday has come and gone, and still I have found nothing even remotely suitable. I suck. Maybe I will find something before we next meet. That would then work out ok.<br /><br />I hope everyone is ok. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:17329 2001-06-10T21:09:53Z 2001-06-10T21:09:53Z A lot of people ask me, am I afraid of death? Hell yeah I'm afraid of death - I don't wanna die yet. A lot of people think that I worship the devil, that I do all types of retarded shit. Look - I cant change the way I think, and I cant change the way I am, but if I offended you... good. Cos I still don't give a fuck. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:17025 2001-06-08T07:44:21Z 2001-06-08T07:44:21Z I managed to get out of the house last night. Mum told me I cant as I have work to do, so I did the stuff I had to (almost) then went out before she got home from her work. I am so glad cos my friends rule!<br /><br />What are the odds on someone from Arizona moving to Newmarket?<br /><br />What are the odds of us meeting on icq?<br /><br />What are the odds of us liking eachother?<br /><br />What are the odds of us living on the same road?<br /><br />What are the odds of us having the same birthday?<br /><br />Ok, I think I have made my point, but I really am <b>soooo</b> lucky to know Andi. And even better, knowing Andi AND Josh. wow. I'm so happy! Andi and I went to Pacinos last night and got drunk. It was so cool. Josh and Andi really are the best people in Newmarket! I felt bad for not dancing when Andi asked me to :o( but there are very few things I wont do, its just unfortunate that is one of them. Must have been some repressed experience in my childhood. But I hope lil mrs batz had fun, cos I sure did!<br /><br />When I got home (Josh was kind enough to give me a lift :o) I just crashed on the sofa for a few hours before it was time for work. <br /><br />Note to Andi: Now in my sober state, I remembered the reason why I'm not going on holiday with my family, and thats to stay and look after my poor lil ageing dog, and my kitty. So I dunno about London in that week...<br /><br /><marquee>:o(</marquee><br /><br />And thankyou Andi - for everything. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:16722 2001-06-06T19:05:33Z 2001-06-06T19:05:33Z This entry is dedicated to all the happy people.<br /><br />Well it would be if I knew what to say. I'm confused. I'm crying. I think I might stop this journal stuff now. I cant do good anymore, and I think its had its day. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:16429 2001-06-04T07:51:08Z 2001-06-04T07:51:08Z THE INEVITABLE <br />I got this survey on Andi's journal.<br /><br />(1) The singular boring question: What is your name? <br />Pete<br /><br />(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name have been? <br />Miriam<br /><br />(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? <br />Hell no<br /><br />(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with? <br />Biscuit :o)<br /><br />(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? <br />Landymore is often spelt Landimoor.<br /><br />(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? <br />nope<br /><br />(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? <br />No. <br /><br />(8) Do you think God has a gender? <br />no (pete likes easy yes no answers)<br /><br />(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? <br />Depends on the religion. If a religion says the earth was made in a week then yes - Andi 2001<br /><br />(10) Do you believe in organized religion? <br />No. <br /><br />(11) Where do you think we go when we die? <br />no where<br /><br />(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? <br />why would i?<br /><br />(13) How easy is it to make you laugh? <br />depends if its a real luagh, or a fake one to make someone else happy<br /><br />(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? <br />...erm...<br /><br />(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? <br />yeah - i always laugh. makes the teller happy<br /><br />(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn't? <br />i say whatever pops into my head<br /><br />(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? <br />none - i think<br /><br />(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? <br />nothing probably<br /><br />(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? <br />nope<br /><br />(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? <br />Spice Girls. worst thing this country ever produced.<br /><br />(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? <br />all the stuff Andi plays me.<br /><br />(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? <br />powerpuff girls end theme.<br /><br />(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? <br />erm... which personality?<br /><br />(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? <br />hmmmmmm.... thats a good one.....<br /><br />(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? <br />not brit pop!<br /><br />(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? <br />none - i love cheesy blockbusters.<br /><br />(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original?<br />No.<br /><br />(28) Who's your favorite Star Wars character? <br />whats Star Wars? just kiddin, Darth Vador (sp?)<br /><br />(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? <br />more movies about Andi <br /><br />(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? <br />SOUTH PARK!!!!<br /><br />(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? <br />taste. always.<br /><br />(32) What's your favorite kind of cheese? <br />I dun like cheese.<br /><br />(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? <br />cheese doesnt taste good?<br /><br />(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? <br />yeah<br /><br />(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? <br />no! it tastes so great! i love it!<br /><br />(36) Mac or PC? <br />PC.<br /><br />(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer, as long as it works? <br />the insides scare me, my pc is cheap crap. its a child to me.<br /><br />(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? <br />IMs? am i missing something?<br /><br />(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? <br />I am much different. I am nice here.<br /><br />(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? <br />No.<br /><br />(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? <br />Yes!!! ...cough...<br /><br />(42) What do you love most about the other gender? <br /><i>The</i> smell. how come all women smell so good?<br /><br />(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? <br />How its hard to be friends without others assuming more is going on.<br /><br />(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? <br />toilets in pairs?<br /><br />(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? <br />Yes. wussername bullock.<br /><br />(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? <br />Matt Mantz<br /><br />(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? <br />yeah - paul from s club 7! argh!<br /><br />(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)?<br />me. that would be cool.<br /><br />(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? <br />No.<br /><br />(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? <br />hmmmm (pete tries to think of a porn star)...<br /><br />(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? <br />No.<br /><br />(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? <br />No.<br /><br />(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? <br />maybe<br /><br />(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? <br />i dont have one<br /><br />(55) Do you actually know your IP address?: <br />No.<br /><br />(56) Do you know what an IP address is? <br />Yes.<br /><br />(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? <br />eh??<br /><br />(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? <br />No.<br /><br />(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc? <br />No.<br /><br />(60) What do you think of pi? <br />useful. of course.<br /><br />(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? <br />No.<br /><br />(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? <br />flattered<br /><br />(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? <br />does it matter? i like getting to know people<br /><br />(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member? <br />that would be strange...<br /><br />(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?<br />its acceptable enough isnt it?<br /><br />(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? <br />depends wht the partner is thinking.<br /><br />(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? <br />Yes.<br /><br />(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking?<br />isnt that a bit of a generalisation? no probably.<br /><br />(666) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? <br />eh? eh?<br /><br />(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? <br />no<br /><br />(71) What is your favorite possession? <br />My cat.<br /><br />(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? <br />a car. a nice car.<br /><br />(73) How badly do you want it? <br />A lot.<br /><br />(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? <br />Yes. And it keeps gettin funnier every single time! <br /><br />(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? <br />Mangros removed some of the titles, so this will make jack all sense.<br /><br />(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? <br />No.<br /><br />(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? <br />28<br /><br />(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had?<br />freddie<br /><br />(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? <br />ghost. duh. i was 6<br /><br />(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? <br />my birthday.<br /><br />(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? <br />another birthday for me. or annual bbq day would be cool.<br /><br />(82) How good is your short-term memory? <br />good.<br /><br />(83) How good is your long-term memory? <br />i answered that already.<br /><br />(84) What is your earliest memory?<br />i dont have any before last friday.<br /><br />(85) What is your happiest memory? <br />Being with Hayley.. that time...<br /><br />(86) What is your strangest memory? <br />massin me test! woohoo!<br /><br />(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? <br />all of eminems stuff.<br /><br />(88) What movie makes/made you cry? <br />Batteries not included.<br /><br />(89) What book makes/made you cry? <br />None<br /><br />(90) What song makes/made you cry? <br />cant remember.<br /><br />Thanx Andi. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/littlemrsbatz">http://www.livejournal.com/users/littlemrsbatz</a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:16266 2001-06-02T10:02:10Z 2001-06-02T10:02:10Z I PASSED YO!<br /><br />I am now a fully qualified driver! Now who wants to give me a kiss as a reward? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:15960 2001-06-01T20:57:28Z 2001-06-01T20:57:28Z This is <a href="http://www.geocities.com/yourwish692000/Picture11.jpg">me</a> being confused.<br /><br />I'm sad :o( urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:15715 2001-06-01T09:14:57Z 2001-06-01T09:14:57Z Guess who has their driving test tomorrow? yea thas right... its me. I hope I dont dissapoint again. I am getting nervous :o( but I dont really suppose it matters that much. I just dont want to let my parents down again. Its a 9:37 am, so I will let y'all know what happens. <br /><br />On a plus note, I got a web cam the other day. So now you can all see the fantastic pete in the flesh. well kinda. I will make sure to put up a picture or 2 tonight, so keep yuor eyes peeled. Another good thing is <b>ITS FRIDAY!!!</b>. I will prolly get an early night tonight as I have been out a fair bit this week. Last night i dint get home til after 1am. Its not my fault! Hayley tied me up and dragged me around her house. silly Hayley, but her rabbit is sooooo cute!<br /><br />I think thats about all I can get away with while i'm at work.. so cya!<br /><br />hey doll :o) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:15376 2001-05-29T07:30:49Z 2001-05-29T07:30:49Z Overall, it was a nice 3 day weekend. The Saturday and Sunday were very relaxing, in other words I was too lazy to anything at all. But I did stay over bens, and watched a couple films which was cool. Monday was the best day though. In the afternoon I hung out with ben and Hayley. These two are in a very interesting scenario which I could spend hours analysing. But I wont.<br /><br />Tonight I am going to see one of my best friends Greg. I hardly ever get to see him, which I should change cos he's a really cool guy. We are all going out for a meal tonight to celebrate his birthday which was a lil while ago. So that will be cool cos lots of my friends will be there, and I am going to get to finally meet a person who I have only ever talked to on the internet before.<br /><br />Then on Thursay I am going to hang out with Hayley over hers. Which I am looking forward to as she is possibly the nicest person in the world!<br /><br />Hi mum! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:15343 2001-05-26T13:04:33Z 2001-05-26T13:04:33Z Hey! I just won an award! worlds most boring journal! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:15054 2001-05-23T18:41:01Z 2001-05-23T18:41:01Z Okay, if you are in a good mood then look away, cos I sure as hell ain't! My bosses had a lil meeting again with me today. Any regulars will know that my work partner Claire was of work for the last 10 working days, and I have had a rough time. Today she came back, and it was wonderful to see her again. at about 3pm they came into our office and pulled up chairs. What followed was a speech about how badly we are doing the job, and how its such a terrible thing to get fired at such an early point in our lives. Fuck him! <br /><br />I felt so bad during that little session - I just wanted to die. The only reason I have not ended things in the past is the people I would hurt in the process, that's why the cuts weren't deep enough. But this time I just didn't care. It made me feel so bad. I felt like I had let Claire down, I didn't work hard enough in the week she was away, and now they were taking it out on her.<br /><br />It makes me wonder what the hell the point of trying to please people is when they just turn around and shit on you. Its like life is becoming a waiting room for death, with tossers who believe they are never going to die. I will laugh when they are dust, and no I wont be joining them before you say it, its impossible to join someone in unconsciousness. Wouldn't it be interesting if everyone died at exactly the same time? I probably lost so many friends just by saying that, but if everyone died before they even realised what was happening, then no one would care. It would all be over. No one would miss anyone else, no one would miss anything. The thought of this situation makes me want to cry, it causes an undescribable pain deep down, which I hate, but this feeling seems to be there now more often than not. I sometimes think to myself that this is what the human race deserves. I don't think any of us asked to be here. Especially ungrateful bastards like me who don't realise the gift we have been given, and I don't even think I want it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:14725 2001-05-22T07:35:24Z 2001-05-22T07:35:24Z It would make me very happy if you would all go and say hi to my friend Di. She is a lovely person :o)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/b0ndgirl">http://www.livejournal.com/users/b0ndgirl</a><br /><br />Thanx!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:14519 2001-05-21T16:24:35Z 2001-05-21T16:24:35Z love (lv) <br />n. <br /><br />A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. <br /><br />A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. <br /><br />Sexual passion. <br />Sexual intercourse. <br />A love affair. <br /><br />An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. <br /><br />A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment. <br /><br />An expression of one's affection: Send him my love. <br /><br />A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language. <br /><br />The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love. <br /><br />Love. Mythology. Eros or Cupid. <br />Often Love. Theology. Charity. <br />Love. Christian Science. God. <br /><br />Sports. A zero score in tennis. <br /><br /><b>Who is Pete in love with? And which type of love is it? Or am I just writing this cos I am very bored? who knows? I dont...</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:14129 2001-05-21T07:45:01Z 2001-05-21T07:45:01Z Isnt it strange the lengths some people will go to in order to be noticed? They may even tarnish their own self being in order to gain attention. The longing to be loved is a very strong emotion withing the social lively hood of the human race, so expect many strange things from a person who feels lonely.<br /><br />Oh, by the way, I had to take out my right ear ring cos it was being rejected by my body. The swelling almost actually swallowed the stud, so I had to pull it out. It bled of a while. So now i'm gonna have to wait for a while, then get it re-done, probably when i get my first tattoo, in a couple of weeks.<br /><br />Only 2 days left of work without claire! woo-hoo! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:13908 2001-05-18T07:31:21Z 2001-05-18T07:31:21Z Hmmm... I feel bad this morning. I didnt get any sleep last night, but it was my fault. There must be some pretty strange stuff in my blood at the moment. I left Pacinos at 2:15am. Pacinos was nothing out of the ordinary, but I did some bad stuff afterwards. I would love to blame this on alcahol levels, but I feel that <i>that</i> is <b>never</b> a valid exscuse for anything. I went in Buckles car (yes he was drunk) and we went with Chris to buy some tobacco from a 24 hour garage. Ok, I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. I have never smoked anything in my life, never taken any drugs (except alcahol) and NEVER been <i>high</i>. We parked up in a, I spose it was kind of a hidden away car park. Buckle made a couple of <i>joints</i>, for him and Chris. This led to the car being full of this funny smelling smoke from the 'pot resin' they were smoking. This is when I learned what the term SMOKE BOX means. I may have been smoking one myself the way I left that car feeling (even though I did not no matter how many times the offered). It was a strange feeling, the smoke box (car full of this shit) was really surreal. After they had had enough, Buckle drove me home in his now drunken AND high state (thank god for seatbelts). I couldnt go to sleep, I was feeling funny, so I just stayed up and now here I am. I feel bad cos I broke so many of my own rules :o( the worst being I did not stop a friend from driving when he was not in a fit state.<br /><br />I dont think I'm going to go out for a while now... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:13631 2001-05-17T14:53:17Z 2001-05-17T14:53:17Z Expect the next installment of <i>Drunked Stories</i> tomorrow! I have decided the tonight is reward for Pete night. In other words, drink myself silly! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:13404 2001-05-17T09:31:26Z 2001-05-17T09:31:26Z I just stole that little blue flame from brena ( <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/doll">http://www.livejournal.com/users/doll</a> ). If you want me to take it off just say and I will ok brena?<br /><br />If I could meet anyone in the world it would be she. So why dont you go say hi to one of the nicest people in the world! that link again is <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/doll">http://www.livejournal.com/users/doll</a> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:13280 2001-05-17T07:48:01Z 2001-05-17T07:48:01Z Ok, so its thursday morning now. Claire is not back until this coming wednesday. that means I am halw way through my time in the office alone, and all I can say is that I hate it! They have not decreased the work load at all. It is <b>impossible</b> for me to keep up with the work. There is so much I havent done, and it has eithe been put in the bin, or hidden in the hope that I will get round to doing it later. To be honest, I dont know how Claire is going to cope when I am off. I have two separate weeks of holiday booken in the next couple months. I think it will probably take her to the edge, and she will leave. It is just such hard work! <br /><br />Sorry about complaining (i know its annoying when all people do is complain) but I just had to let it get out. I look forward to seeing Claire again.<br /><br />By the way, thanx to Julie ( <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/spasticnerd">http://www.livejournal.com/users/spasticnerd</a> ) I have been able to change a couple things on my journal. Thanx chic! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:12876 2001-05-16T13:56:46Z 2001-05-16T13:56:46Z If anyone cares, my new email address is:<br /><br />PowerPete@PowerPuff.com<br /><br />aint that cool? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:12787 2001-05-16T09:45:36Z 2001-05-16T09:45:36Z Ok - if anyone can answer me these questions, then I will be their slave forever!<br /><br />Q1: what EXACTLY do I type in the override box to change the comments text?<br /><br />Q2: what EXACTLY do I type to change my background to a gif file?<br /><br />Q3: Do you love Pete?<br /><br />I hope you got them all right! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:12360 2001-05-15T18:07:29Z 2001-05-15T18:07:29Z My new ICQ number is 118151509 - please add me to your list, and message me so I can add you. <b>please?</b> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:12098 2001-05-15T15:31:09Z 2001-05-15T15:31:09Z YAY! I get to take my PC home tonight! In about 1 hour! Now all I have to do is het my internet connection back, and I will be sorted! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:megatsunami:11905 2001-05-15T10:15:09Z 2001-05-15T10:15:09Z A couple have been married for 20 years, but every time they have sex the husband insists on turning out the lights. Eventually, the wife decided this was stupid and that she would put an end to this. So, one night while they were in the middle of the sex act, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo.<br /> 'You impotent bastard,' she screamed, getting terribly upset. 'How could you lie to me all these years? You better explain yourself!'<br /> The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said 'I'll explain the dildo if you explain the kids.'